So, been a while since the last post… it’s not that things happen slowly in my life… quite the contrary, usually… I’m the type to mull things over a bit before writing about them. I seem to use this less as a live journal, recording day to day thoughts / activities, and more like a place to air out my ideas on the culminations of things, where I’ve been / where I’m going, and other concepts that outlast the fleeting musings of any old day…
All in all, things are fucking fantastic right now :) I’ve got a job I’m real happy with, saving money (will have a place to call my own before long), the social scene rocks (seriously), but most importantly, I’m once again back in touch with an old friend of mine in Florida.
It’s actually a fairly involved story, but the short of it is that we enjoyed incredibly strong love despite unwieldy situational blockades (beyond our control) that ultimately prevented the relationship from flourishing as it could have. That didn’t stop us from trying, though… several times over the approximately 5 years we’ve known each other, we’d try and try and try, but ultimately the blockades made it impossible, and it would end in the strife of loving somebody you cannot be with… Even so, throughout the whole ordeal, my conviction and feelings didn’t waver. It’s rough… pining for something when you really don’t know when you’ll get a shot at it… I did know it would happen, though… it had to. Our bond is such that it simply has to happen (that is how I see it, anyway, though I’m usually not prone to such sweeping, ungrounded statements ;). Eventually, the situation would change… I felt it was incredibly unfair that such a strong desire between two people to be together should go unfulfilled…
It so happened that the situation did not change before she left for college. So, she went, and I carried on. We didn’t communicate much for a while… a year and a half or so… The unspoken truth for me is that if I’m out of touch, it’s easier for me to keep a handle on my feelings. It was often on my mind, though… not usually in the way of any immediate thought / project, but…. when my mind would float randomly, aloft in the currents of spontaneous connections, I’d return to her… not in a disappointed / bummed out way at all, though… it was more like just knowing that she’s out there… I’d think of random interactions… remember vignettes from the past, visualize things that might happen in the future…
Then about a month ago, we start emailing each other again. I wasn’t too surprised when everything clicked right back into place :) We both have grown considerably over the past 1.5 years or so, but the love seems like it never went away since it came ~ 5 years ago…. it’s really quite incredible :)
Now the situation *is* different. Of course, WA is a long way from FL… but that’s aight. I don’t think either of us knows what will become of “us”, nor do I necessarily feel the need to predict. We’re both keen on the idea of taking care of our respective shit, which means that more than likely, things will continue on as they are for at least a little while…. but… *glows*… she’s coming for a visit soon :) I don’t want to get into the details of the situational blockades from the old days, but suffice to say that we had to savor every minute we could physically spend together, because they were few and far between… (our primary means of communication, even when we were trying to consider ourselves a pair, was email / chat). This visit will mark the first time ever that we’ll have been in the same room together for more than a couple hours on back to back days…. The fairytale / epic qualities are almost palpable, eh? Naturally, I miss her like crazy, and the anticipation is so electric… but I can wait a little longer ;)
